Thursday night when I got home after working, and then visiting my friend and her 1 day old baby at the hospital, I found an expected package on my doorstep. There, in a 6 1\2" x 8" box sat the ashes of my beloved Rowdy. I didn't expect it so soon.
I had been contemplating how I would react when this day came. Unexpectedly, I felt relieved. I felt like he was home, more figuratively than literally I think. I picked up the box and was surprised that it was so light. The shipping label said 3 lbs. Really? All that is left of my 40 lb dog is three lbs.? I have lifted the ashes of my step dad and I know that 3 lbs is probably accurate given the relativity, but still I was surprised.
I carried the box in a one-armed embrace and took it inside. I seemed a little dazed as I walked around the house embracing this box, unwilling it seemed, to open it just yet. Finally, with trepidation, I carefully sliced the seams and removed the cedar box within. Atop the cellophane wrapped package was an "in remembrance...." card from the crematory. I sat in the recliner, box beside me, and after a short while, I removed the cellophane.
As I grew sleepy and prepared for bed, I carried the cool cedar box with me. Back in the day, Rowdy would follow me everywhere, from room to room, bathroom included, anytime I moved. Before I finally got into to bed, I placed him on the shelf above the spot next to my bed where he lay asleep only four nights prior. It was oddly comforting to know that he was home. Something tangible to hold on to even though his spirit was now not with his bodily remains, but somewhere in the universe, never gone but merely changed into another form of energy, one I could still perhaps communicate with, yet in a different realm. I as I lay awaiting sleep, I felt that Rowdy was at last, at peace.